thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
