I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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