im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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