i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
