you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
