$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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