i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
