i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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