So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
