I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
