glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My hand turned me down
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
