you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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