I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
