I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
