i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
