I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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