I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
