I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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