I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
