They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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