two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
