just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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