i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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