i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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