Someone shit on the floor
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
