The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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