It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
