I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
