I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
