so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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