I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
