Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
