He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
