I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
