Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
