Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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