Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
