We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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