While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
