OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
