I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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