OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
