so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
