White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
