Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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