I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
