just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
vagina is talking i cant
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
