I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
