Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
