yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
