and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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