So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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