They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
